the time has come, my love.
we have removed the hormonal poison that is the birth control that has been keeping you at bay. your father felt like he was ready many yesterdays ago. he’s such a family man. a good man. he wanted you before considering marriage. at first i was offended and felt he was dodging a commitment to me. but, i had to learn and understand that society shouldn’t dictate what commitment looks like, and that's what i was falling for. the passionate conflicts and the strength to push through is commitment. the willingness to change and evolve for each other is commitment. creating life…you…is commitment.
the commitment is in the desire to build a foundation together and build a stronghold for our future young. that’s you, my sweet baby.
bless your father…but i was nowhere near ready to welcome you. i was scared of so many things and so many new things. i was scared to potentially die. i was scared to see how my body would transform. i was scared that your father and i would split, and i would be a single mother raising you like my mother, your grandmother, did most of our lives. and, i had to get through the traditional thoughts of marriage from examples by your grandma. it was also too soon. your dad and i had only been dating for a couple of years.
for goodness sake…unless you yourself just want kids…in which i will still discourage you, depending on your age, do not just have anyone’s spawn without knowing who they are and taking the time to understand who you both are. joining your DNA with someone is serious business, and you're joined together by that child for life. choose that life “partnership” seriously.
anyways…that has nothing to do with you now.
forgive your, mom.
so many societal and family pressures outside of your father urged your earlier conception, but i refused because you deserve a happier and wiser mother. you deserve unconditional love and not to be tasked with any jobs born out of any of my shortcomings, weaknesses, insecurities, and sufferings. you deserve a mother that will protect you, think mostly of you (mostly, because when the age comes my dear…mommy will need a few breaky-breaks and you’ll be with great-relatives for a night or two haha!), and make decisions in your best interest.
by no means will this journey be perfect, but you alone are worth the attempt.
because you are perfect.
i love you.