Crossroads? Or fear?
Or…they’re one in the same.
One breathing into the other like a shotgun of marijuana
The pass through of lips, on lips, wanting more lips and different lips and OH MY GOODNESS IT’S TOO FUCKING MUCH!
The ask and boundary was…no contact afterwards.
The breaking of the boundary and stomping on the ask is definitely contact afterwards.
What is it going to take?
The heart wants what it wants. The heart is the purest form of desire. And maybe your biggest villain. Your protagonist brain is screaming for you to snap out of it.
…but, your fingers keep texting.
…but, your mind keeps daydreaming.
…but, you continue to let days go by without an utter of the reality.
…crossroads or fear?
I am fearful. Fearful to somehow confirm his fear. His insecurity. Believing my words is already a struggle for him and breaking through these double standards equals a toe to toe clash with a brick wall.
Not impossible…but fucking slowwwwwwwww.
We’re making progress, i guess it’s manually removing one row at a time.
But, i’m so impatient. And my mind is wandering with all of the possibilities - with the hope that we break this wall down together.
Sometimes, i wish i already had a family life and was hitting the point of needing something new. Maybe things would be easier. Maybe there would be less convincing. We’re obviously in this for life.
And sometimes, i wonder if i’m really ready for a big ole belly. Growing a heartbeat. Changing my body - the body i already struggle with. Focusing on one human being for the majority of my being for the years to come.
They say it’s beautiful. I believe it, i really do.
But…
But…so is my freedom.
Are these feelings temporary? Do i not posses the ability to narrow my vision?
I mean…my vision is there! I see the big picture! I want it! I just…
I don’t understand why we can’t live the way we want and have it all.
Crossroads? Fear?
Fear of what? His feelings - check. Settling down? - check, but only because of these strict expectations that come with it.
I am a human that enjoys humans. I know love and lust. I know whats for life and whats for fun.
I know what i want.
At least, i think so.